Spread Your Wings
02/28/2009*** NOTE ***
I’m deviating from my usual tech-oriented content today.
Today has been perhaps the saddest day of my life. My best friend, Ryan, passed away after suffering a heart attack brought on by a genetic condition.
His wife, family, and I have spent the last few days at his bedside in what turned out to be a futile vigil. The hours of lonely solitude were broken and punctuated by bad news from the doctors and overwhelming sadness. There was quiet conversation accompanied by the constant hum of monitors. There was the routine of the ICU nurses. And now he is gone.
As a general rule, you can’t pick friends. A best friend is a completely different animal where circumstances throw you together and one day you realize that something very different exists between the two of you. Something that you never quite put your finger on.
For nearly forty years, I’ve had a friend who I knew counted on me with a steadfastness that goes beyond words; I did the same for him. It was never a matter of proximity but rather one of empathy. It was rooted in the knowledge that there was no physical distance that would prevent either of us from coming to the others aid.
In the quiet periods during the week, I often reflected on what my friend had meant to me and to others. I recounted stories from school, work, and life in general. I thought about the many different people who had come to visit and what motivated them to overcome the natural apprehension to visit a dying acquaintance. Although each of them had a different experience and story. It occurred to me that there was a common thread.
I know that it sounds trite to say that he touched people’s lives, but it was true. Without exception, every person had at least one story that revolved around Ryan teaching them a valuable lesson. Whether it was the former boss who had learned the value of humility or the special education teachers he taught how to respect their charges, he made a tangible impact on all these people.
As for me, Ryan challenged me to be a better person in just about everything I did. Whether it was school, sports, work, and especially ethics, he innately knew what I wanted and found a way to get me to meet my own expectations. He never dictated, he never scolded, but he always motivated. He set a great example and just let me come along at a speed that was comfortable for me.
If I’m lucky, I will miss my friend until the day that I die. That’s because by missing him, I honor him and what he meant to me. Good bye friend.
So That's Life? 
Art,
You and Ryan’s family and friends have my condolences. I’m grateful for the short time I knew him and seeing the tip of the iceberg of an amazing individual. Your post will share a part of Ryan with each of us in perpetuity.
Mahalo.
Art,
What a beautiful letter…a tribute to your friendship, his family and to Ryan.
We will not forget him.
Art,
Your words honor Ryan. Beautiful…
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Just the fact that you took the time to comment after reading made the task of writing worthwhile.
[…] educator, husband of one of my co-workers, and best friend of one of my friends, Art, who wrote a touching remembrance of Ryan (February […]
Art,
Ryan was my hero. Like everyone, I too was touched by his wisdom.He made me a better person. He will be remembered for a long time.Thank you for the kind words about Ryan.
Ryan’s wife, Shirley
So beautifullly written, ART. A wonderful tribute to your friend. He sounds like an amazing person that will be missed deeply by many.
Take care my friend,
LP
Art,
Marie O. sent out an announcement on Ryan’s passing. Damn! I was shocked. What great guy and I mourn his passing. He never had a unkind work for anyone. Even back in the day at RHS, he was one of those people you could count on to lend a hand with anything. My sincere condolneces to his wife and family.
Your kind words spoke volumes on Ryan.
Aloha,
Everett
Art,
Marie O. sent out an announcement on Ryan’s passing. Damn! I was shocked. What great guy and I mourn his passing. He never had a unkind word for anyone. Even back in the day at RHS, he was one of those people you could count on to lend a hand with anything. My sincere condolneces to his wife and family.
Your kind words spoke volumes on Ryan.
Aloha,
Everett
Art, to say that you and Chuck gave Ryan a wonderful send-off yesterday would be an understatement. I realize how difficult it was for both of you, and I commend you for putting into words your memories, thoughts and feelings. I hadn’t seen Ryan since high school and wasn’t anywhere near as close to him as you were, but I have to tell you that all my memories about him are positive ones. He was the eternal “Mr. Nice Guy,” and I could tell by what I heard yesterday that he hadn’t changed much from high school.
I agree that Ryan was an amazing guy. Growing up in Manoa, we had a great set of oddballs…Mark Miyahira, Chuck Narikiyo, Grant Nakashima, Lance Stevens, Mark Takemoto, Glenn Okamoto, Arthur Harris, and a host of others…sorry if I left anyone out. While we were all children, Ryan was always the wordly one of the group, able to transend the collective immaturity of the rest of us. Sorry for the delay in posting; being out of site and out of mind in Seattle is my only meager excuse. Thanks Art for writing such a poignant post and thanks Ryan for helping us grow up just a little bit faster.
Aloha,
Craig Lee in Seattle
Art,
So sorry to hear of Ryan’s passing,Your post is a tribute to a dear friend who will continue to live on in each of us who was blessed to know Ryan.
Till we meet again……
[…] No, instead this is about another Ryan that was lost. My friend Shirley lost her husband Ryan in 2009. I had only known him a little, but in all my interactions, he came off as the kindest, gentlest, and most genuine person I have ever met. You know, the kind that might give you a hard time about the 3 am call for help, but would still show up – a lot like Ryan Suenaga, actually. Another friend was far more poetic in his remembrance of Ryan. […]